But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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