i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
