I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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