Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
