he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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