so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
