I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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