and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
