kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
