if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
