Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
