forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
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i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize