I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
