How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
