Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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