woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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