I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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