hotel room ftw
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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