Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
