You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
