I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
