your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
