I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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