So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
