NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
