Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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