You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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