My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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