WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
