In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
