Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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