Nicole vs. Life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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