And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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