watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
