just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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