You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
