we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You are a genius and a whore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
