Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
