Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
