I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
