I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
