Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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