I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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