when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
