I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
