Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
