New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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