I'm going to jail i love you
they need to just BURY HIM!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
