I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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