these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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