i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
