he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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