she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize