my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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