Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
