highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
