When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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