look no pants
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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