I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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