May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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