You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
