There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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