so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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