Don't make out with my wife yet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
