Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
