The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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