What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
