no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
