he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
