yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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