it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
