Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
