wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
