I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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