You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
