I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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