I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
