I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
