put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
