God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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