uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
