I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
